Ok, friends….I have to laugh..
Yesterday, I dropped the hubby off at the airport and hurried back to the ranch to begin cleaning. We had tracked in so much mud and grass over the weekend, and I decided I would wait to clean once the house was empty.
After a qiuck trip to the grocery store, I drove back home. The time was about 2:30. Somewhere in the next few hours….I totally lost track of time…..no, really….
To back up a bit, the electricity flickers on and off often, which means that all the clocks reset. Here’s where the problem began…
I have a digital clock in the bedroom, a battery clock in the den and use the microwave clock in the kitchen. The clock in the bedroom automatically resets itself when there is an outage, so that is the one I always check, and since I was a busy little bee, cleaning, I was too lazy to check my cell phone.
After cleaning, I looked at the clock and saw it was 8:30 pm and decided I had enough for the day. I started getting ready for my shower, because I was beat. By the time I finished, it was 9:30 and I thought to myself, ‘Wow…I’m starving,’ but I never eat dinner after 6:00 pm, so I just decided to lay in bed and read my book.
Occasionally, I would hear my computer ‘ding’ so I would check my email, and look at the clock. It was 9:30 pm and was really bright outside! I read for a while longer, then looked at the clock and thought….’How crazy! The sun is still out and its 10:30 at night!!’ Oh well, it was time to sleep and I was sleepy.
I woke up sooo many times during the night, thinking it was time to get up but my clock said differently. Finally, at 7:30 this morning, I opened my eyes and thought, ‘hmm…it’s still dark.”
Ok, bottom line….The clock reset to a different time zone and I was THREE HOURS off!! I actually went to bed at 7:30pm, and eventually woke up at 4:30 am…..sigh…..
I could eat a horse right now….
1958: Vice Principal comes over, looks at Jack’s shotgun, goes to his car and gets his own shotgun to show Jack.
2011: School goes into lockdown, the FBI is called, Jack is hauled off to jail, and never sees his truck or gun again. Counselors are called in to assist traumatized students and teachers.
SCENARIO: JOHNNY AND MARK GET INTO A FIST-FIGHT AFTER SCHOOL.
1958: Crowd gathers. Mark wins. Johnny and Mark shake hands and end up buddies.
2011: Crowd gathers. Camera phones record fight and send to Twitter and YouTube. Police are called, SWAT team arrives and arrests Johnny and Mark. They are charged with assault and both are expelled even though Johnny started it.
SCENARIO: JEFFREY WON’T SIT STILL IN CLASS, DISRUPTS OTHER STUDENTS.
1958: Jeffrey is sent to the principal’s office and given a good paddling. Returns to class, sits still and does not disrupt class again.
2011: Jeffrey is given huge doses of Ritalin. Becomes addicted. Tested for ADD. School gets extra state funding because Jeffrey has a disability.
SCENARIO: BILLY BREAKS A WINDOW IN HIS NEIGHBORS CAR AND HIS DAD GIVES HIM A WHIPPING WITH HIS BELT AND MAKES HIM PAY FOR REPAIRS.
1958: Billy is more careful next time, grows up normal, goes to college and becomes a successful businessman.
2011: Billy’s dad is arrested for child abuse. Billy is removed to foster care and joins a gang. State psychologist tells Billy’s sister that she remembers being abused herself and their dad goes to prison. Billy’s mom has an affair with the psychologist.
SCENARIO: MARK GETS A HEADACHE AND TAKES SOME ASPIRIN TO SCHOOL.
1958: Mark shares aspirin with the school principal out on the smoking dock.
2011: Police are called and Mark is expelled from school for drug violations. His backpack, locker and car are searched for drugs and weapons.
SCENARIO: PEDRO FAILS HIGH SCHOOL ENGLISH.
1958: Pedro goes to summer school, passes English and goes to college.
2011: Pedro’s cause is taken up by local human rights group. Newspaper articles appear nationally explaining that making English a requirement for graduation is racist. U.S. Civil Liberties Association files class action lawsuit against state school system and Pedro’s English teacher. English is banned from core curriculum. Pedro is given his diploma anyway but ends up mowing lawns for a living because he cannot speak English.
SCENARIO: JOHNNY TAKES APART LEFTOVER INDEPENDENCE DAY FIRECRACKERS, PUTS THEM IN A MODEL AIRPLANE PAINT BOTTLE AND BLOWS UP AN ANTHILL.
1958: Ants die.
2011: Homeland Security and the FBI are called and Johnny is charged with domestic terrorism. Teams investigate parents, siblings are removed from the home, computers are confiscated and Johnny’s dad goes on a terror watch list and is never allowed to fly again.
SCENARIO: JOHNNY FALLS DURING RECESS AND SCRAPES HIS KNEE. HIS TEACHER, MARY, FINDS HIM CRYING AND GIVES HIM A HUG TO COMFORT HIM.
1958: Johnny soon feels better and goes back to playing.
2011: Mary is accused of being a sexual predator and loses her job. She faces three years in federal prison and Johnny undergoes five years of therapy.