the elephant in the room?

Ok….let’s just say it…..I know we’ve been trying to avoid the “elephant in the room”….

But it’s time to admit it……

Yes, the girls at Mike’s gym are ripped.  They are strong…and they are everywhere.

I came waddling into the program and just hoped to have a teensy bit of their muscle….and this is what has happened in the last two weeks……

   Hooray!!!  Something is working!  Mike has me lunging, walking, sweating and finally I am starting to see a difference!

We had our christmas party last night and it was time to dress up.  I knew things were good when I got a ‘whistle’ from my hubby!

But it’s not over!!!  Nope, that fat lady hasn’t sung yet, so there are more days/weeks/months ahead of us.  I will continue from time to time, to post my progress.

Hooray!!!  Thanks, Mikey!!  It’s working!!!

still the challenging challenge…

Wowsers…Day 6.  The challenge has taken a new direction…First it was the “can you drink the shakes for 7 days“.  Then it is the “can you eat these foods for 7 days“.  Last night it was  “can you go to a restaurant and not eat everything on the menu” challenge…..

Seriously, Jim?  Tommy V’s?  Only our favorite italian restaurant and this is where the hardworking man wants to go.  Sigh…….ok.

But earlier in the day….

First I had to do this………ugh.  The “arc”…….

I found out that is it’s name.  It’s a stupid machine and it’s a stupid name….and we don’t like each other.  I know……it’s not very christian, but there is a deep seated hatred between the two of us.

I had called earlier in the day to tell Mike that I was coming to use the TREADMILL.  See?  Treadmill and ARC do not sound anything like the other…..and he says, ” 45 minutes on the arc”.  I texted back, “I can’t hear you.”

Unfortunately he knows about these new phones better than I do and he sent me an “audio” message.  Basically it said that I was getting on the arc.  Man, if I had been Mrs. Noah, I would have pushed him OUT of the Ark!!!

 But that’s another story.

So I loaded up my fan.  I loaded up my bright orange extension cord.  And I loaded up my huge bottle of water.  None of these items helped.  Butt….I did my 45 minutes on the arc.  (I can feel the machine trying to make break me…)

Soooo….once I had crippled myself for the 45 minutes, I told myself I deserved a treat.  Then I drove (not to the ice cream parlor) but to the hair salon to get a much needed mani and pedi…..

 Oh, thank you, Maya…..I almost fell asleep in the bubbles…..

Before I knew it, it was over and I headed to AJ’s for a few things for dinner.  You know….the “secret I can’t tell you” dinner from the meal plan that Mike made for me.

But it was about 4:30pm when Jimmy called and announced that we were going out.   OUT means, “oh please let them have what I need on the menu!” for me.  My son, Bret joined us which meant “mom, feed me, dad pay”……..

  Fantastic food people……and only blocks away…..dangerous

We sat up at the bar and they ordered the Osteria Board which has flat out goodness and deliciousness all over it……I got to watch them devour it. There was a tasty looking morsel that dropped on Bret’s napkin that I wanted to attack, but I composed myself and just stared at it until Bret, feeling quite uncomfortable, finally folded his napkin over it.


  I am not going to lie to you now… I snuck a bite of the eggplant and Lord only knows what else.  But THAT’S IT.  I could only imagine the ARC and TREADMILL revving up their motors, as if they knew that somewhere out there…..I was cheating and I was going to get it………..eek!  Sometimes it’s like a scary Stephen King movie in my head…don’t go in there…..

But I ordered a nice piece of grilled fish and a salad and was a happy girl.  Ok, not as happy as  Bret and Jimmy was after polishing off the board, Kobe beef stacks, Short-rib sliders and a pizza!

Really?  Could you put more temptation in front of me at once??????  Anywho….because I slipped a bit with the eggplant….I paid for it later.

How?  Yep……a borborygmus.  Remember our lesson on Day 2?  That is the stomache gurgling, screaming, fizzing and growling…..

  Yeah……..kinda like that.

what day are we on?

What is this?  Day 5?  I’ve totally lost track.

It’s been an uneventful day……..well, uneventful after my workout!  Let’s talk about the workout for a second….

First I had to step up on this with kettlebells lifted over my head at least 82 times…….(maybe 25 but it felt like 82)

  I think I got winded on number 6….I mean, seriously…..who has random tractor tires in their club?  Obviously, Mike.

Then I had to get on this contraption.  I believe it is so irritating that it doesn’t even have a name.  It’s like an eliptical on steroids….ugh…  I’ve looked into it’s frame, and it is pure evil…

Later we did a little “biking”……..doesn’t that sound nice?

This is no stroll in the park.  Again, who has a bicycle at home that has moving handlebars?  Has the world gone mad?

  The upswing is that it blows air on your face as you pedal/pushthestupidhandles…..

And I need air.  Plenty of air.  I walked IN this morning with a hot flash……but I waited until everyone was gone before I started opening up doors and letting the 45 degree air come in.  Aaaaahhhh….that’s more like it.

So after workout, I had the grandbabies come over to make cupcakes.  What I didn’t realize was that I had the grandbabies come over to make a MESS!!!  I didn’t even get to take pictures because I was cleaning, wiping, kissing, saying, “use your inside voice” and other Nani things.

But I was left with a great little letter….no, it wasn’t addressed to me, but it was addressed to God.  This was written by Sofia…

 For those that find it hard to read a 6 year olds writing…it says:

“Thank you God for all you’ve given me.  I’m sorry that you died.  Have a wonderful day on Christmas.  I love you God. “

Now, how can I complain about a workout and a mess in the kitchen after seeing that???

Yep……I’m am one lucky lady….

day 4…blaaah..

Ok, let’s get real.  I’m so over this challenge….(in my head).  It’s boring and I’m losing all my energy.

I did, however, go on a 5 mile walk in the morning and that was nice, but that little shake for breakfast doesn’t hold you like….say, oatmeal….or a really large steak with fries, refried beans, salsa and a flour tortilla……  just sayin’.

So by the end of the walk, I was soo ready for SOMETHING OTHER THAN A SHAKE!

I was supposed to be looking for “hills” to climb….but I didn’t look too hard.  Let’s just assume that there were none.  I did see this hill, it is a side view, at the Biltmore….

 Although it doesn’t quite seem very challenging now does it?

After my walk, I cleaned up (dropped the exfoliation level down to a 2) and my son and I did some more walking in the mall.  He needed help with his Christmas list and I was more than happy to shop.

Then I get this recipe in my inbox for Slutty Brownies!  Gasp!!!  They are called that because they are “oh so easy and a little bit filthy”!  And, no….I know what you are thinking.  I didn’t name them that!!!  But one day I will post the recipe!  (it’s a craaazy recipe because there are Oreo’s in the brownie!!) yikes!

In the meantime, Jimmy tells me he has a meeting at Morton’s Steakhousetonight and I was welcome to  come if I would like.

Seriously?  If I would like?  I would like to crawl over the table and grab a huge steak and loaded baked potato!  That’s what I would like!

So I texted Mikey to see if I qualified for a piece of grilled chicken and a salad, no dressing.  He must have been thinking of something else because he said, ‘YES!’

Can you believe it?  I was more excited than those people on the commercial, “He went to Jared!”  (which is funny by the way, because our waiter/bartender is named Jared and I think of that everytime we go in there).

Since I’m not a drinker, I happily order a little sparkling water.  (this makes my hubby happy because he has a forever designated driver)!!

 The people at Morton’s are soooo good to us!  The AZ Cardinal game was on, but Jimmy also wanted to know about the Denver Broncos, so Hurley (tonights bartender/waiter) pulled up the football game on his cell phone and let Jimmy watch it!  Ha!  They are awesome and the food is ridiculously good.

I ordered grilled chicken with steamed green beans!  Yummy!!!

  Yes there are THREE chicken breasts there, BUT I only ate one.  The beans are also there with some garlic……….ummmm….it was good.  Then I glanced over and saw this and just wished….

 He kept it waaaay on the other side of the table in case I had some sort of potato seizure.  Thankfully I did not.  But it was a wonderful thing to have real food to eat.  I was going a little nutty.

So….I’m ready to get off this bus and get back to the real world of fruits and veggies!  Thankful for my night out and a great weekend.  I hope yours was just as lovely!

Oh…..and by the way….according to my FITBIT, I took 16,132 steps today………and was down another pound!

Day 3….so many thoughts…

Boy oh boy.  I thought I was going to have to pull the plug on this challenge.  The headaches were starting to get the best of me.  So I woke up on Saturday morning and Jimmy asked me why I had that look on my face.  You know…the one that says, “Don’t even look at me…”

  Well, no WONDER I had a headache!  I’m upside down!  Anywho………Jimmy informed me that the grandbabies are in a gymnastic olympics this morning at 8:30am.  Did I want to go?

Well, of course I want to go!  But this stinkin’ headache seems to have other plans!  HOWEVER, we are talking about a 6 yr old and a 3 yr old….and they are adorable….so the headache thingy would have to wait.

I got up to take a shower and remembered my craziness during the night…

  That was one serious pain, people.  I just threw everything on the floor…..even myself.  So I took my shower and drank a cup of coffee.  Yep.  That is NOT on the diet plan…..but it was on MY plan and it worked.  My headache started to disappear.

We got to the “olympics” and watched an enormous amount of tumbling….and realized it was the preschoolers just trying to stand in line.  Turns out the olympics hadn’t even started.  During the hoopla, I get a text from Mike.

Mike:  “Working out?”

Me: “No.”

Mike:  “When are you doing cardio?”

Me:  (making a face at the text)

Mike:   “How many shakes have you had today?”

Me:  “One.  I’m at gymnastics..”

Mike:  “You should have brought one with you. Learn from your mistakes.  Be at the gym at 10:00 for cardio”

I looked at my watch and it was 9:30am.  I was so mad that my headache was gone.  That meant I had to do cardio.

So I told Jimmy that I was going to go do my cardio and would be right back.  The olympics weren’t over until 10:45, so I was hoping to be back before trophy time.

I zoooooomed home and changed clothes and zoooooomed over to the club.  When I got there, I snuck inside because a class was going on and I didn’t want to be mistaken for a person that could do that class.

Are you kidding me?  Summer has a class full of ROCK STARS!  (say Rock with a higher voice for emphasis).  And she is incredible!  She had those fools people jumping, kicking, punching and squatting forEVER!  And here’s the kicker….they were doing it and nobody was complaining!  And here I was on the treadmill thinking I’m “all that” because I’m not holding on!! 

Wowsers….talk about training!  So, Mike and his crew train people for competitions, and other things I would never enter.  Marriam was a cutie I met (with a 3 year old) and she is training for a bikini competition!!!!  What?  A stage?  People watching?  Bikini?  Eeeeeek!

But alas…..poor Marriam.  Mikey asked her to pick a number between 1 and 5 and she said three.  He then turned to me and said, “Ok, do 300 rows”  Poor Marriam.  You know what that means, don’t you?  Yes…..I told her that I was going to pray that she be the new Scottsdale Octo-Mom.  Yep, I was baaaad.  I told her she was going to get pregnant, with not one….but possibly 8.  We will now sit back and wait.

Wait……….did I mention that I was told that if I didn’t finish my workout, I would have to do the entire month of December in a sports bra and small shorts……… front of a mirror!  GASP!!!!!!  (important note:  I am finishing my workouts).

Where were we?  Oh, yes, we were gasping for air on the treadmill while the awesome thoroughbreds finished their workouts.  I was so happy when the treadmill declared MY training over!!  But then, suddenly I was TOTALLY grossed out…………I was still wearing my makeup!  EEEEW!!!

I drove home soooooo fast and took a shower and bumped the exfoliation up to a level 3.  I was even able to make it in time to watch Jimmy and our kids and grandkids eat……….burgers……..with fries.  And Paloma doesn’t understand why I won’t “taste it please, Nani”

 Don’t worry……..I was strong.  And headache is still gone!  Hopefully for good!

The shake wasn’t as bad today because I got permission  to use orange juice (8oz) instead of water.  So the Maalox thingy is gone.  I think I’m going to make it, people!  I just may make it! 🙂

my challenge, day one…

What?  What did you say, you don’t think I can do this??  A challenge?  Oh, it’s on….it’s on like Donkey Kong.

So, here’s the dealio.  Michael Jodscheidt has a gym in Old Town Scottsdale (Jacked by Jodscheidt) and CHALLENGED me to do a SEVEN (that is siete, for my spanish speaking friends) DAY DETOX.

Pffffft……(that is me making a sound that is quite cocky, and also with my hand on my hip)

In retrospect, this is probably a sound I shouldn’t have made…..(although the gesture of my hand on my hip couldn’t be excused because as it turns out, my hip is just OUT THERE) and now I am on a SEVEN DAY DETOX.

HUY!!!  (According to Google Translate, that is spanish for YIKES!)  But I’m game for losing a large amount of tonage.  So I also agreed to let him give me a teeny tiny little workout to go along with the detox.

HUY!!! Ok, what part of teeny tiny did he not get? I thought I was going to die…..but was afraid I wouldn’t!!!!!!  Are you freakin’ kidding me?  I was swinging ropes, pushing weights, rowing and sniveling like a baby girl.

Doesn’t he realize that I have organs swinging around inside of me?  These legs are 52  42…..and my buns??? Shouldn’t we go easy on the buns?  OUCHIE!

What happened to the Jack Lalanne approach?   Jack did those cute little jumping jacks and sometimes touched his toes…..well, people….                                                        Jack is DEAD and Mike is JACKED!!   HUY!!!

Mike has a Victoria Secret workout for the younger women and I’m not entering for any body building competition, so I asked if I could be in a new category…..I’ve decided I want to be scary skinny  (joke, people)

So, I’ve decided to blog the next 6 days of living on power shakes and dirty Tang.  (I’ll explain later)  First we did a weigh in and NO!!  You don’t need to know the start weight because I be embarassed and would have to move to another state.  BUTT…..(pun intended) I will let you know how much fat falls off…..and it will fall off.

So, let’s start with the shakes…

This is the protein shake I’m using with water……I’m drinking this about 5 times a day.  It’s vanilla and pretty yummy.  no complaints.

This is the fruit and veggie supplement that I add to orange juice.  Notice the brand?  Hmm?  That’s Mikey’s.

I use one scoop and add it to some Reduced Sugar Orange Juice.  This is not a bad taste….but it does look like green mud…with Tang added.  Not too bad, if you like green mud….and it turns out that I do.

I’m supposed to add 1 Tablespoon of the flax oil, twice a day, but so far….I forgot.  HUY!!!  (by the way, I hope you aren’t pronouncing the “h”…just the “uy”)

Yep….looks like green mud to me!!

So, it’s time for another shake….and I’m getting a bit of a headache.  Can I do this?

Jimmy is on his way home from Tucson, and he asked me to call Morton’s Steakhouse and save our table…..he doesn’t know about the detox and I just couldn’t burst his bubble.  So, I will go….and I will drink my normal Perrier Water……

The workouts are hard, the trainers are good and the motivation is there.  It’s time…..I would encourage others (misery loves company) to train with me because no one would believe how hard it is unless they are doing it….I’m actually excited to be a part of the program….although once I think I saw him watching me and he tilted his head to one side, squinted his eyes and mumbled, “hmm…how are we going to get THAT off….”

This is going to be a really big challenge……….for both of us!