the joys of motherhood….or…at least the animals got it right….

Motherhood .. defined as the kinship relation between an offspring and the mother. 

It can mean many things depending on our own experience.  Here are some photos that will put a lump in your throat…

Motherhood on a river bank..

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Mothers in the Artic..

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Motherhood in India ..

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Motherhood in Africa ..

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Even some mothering in the ocean ..

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And finally……motherhood near a neighborhood WalMart ..

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Leaves you a little speechless, doesn’t it?

Papa and the tomato garden…

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An old gentleman lived  alone in New  Jersey .  He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as  the ground was hard.  His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in  prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his  predicament:

Dear Vincent,

I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year.  I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.  I know if you were here, my troubles would be over.  I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me like in the old days.

Love, Papa

A few days later he  received a letter from his son.

Dear Papa,

Don’t dig up that garden.  That’s where the bodies are buried.

Love, Vinnie

At 4 a.m. the next  morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without  finding any bodies.

They apologized to the  old man and left.. That same day the old man received another letter from his  son.

Dear Papa,

Go ahead and plant the tomatoes now.  That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.

Love you, Vinnie

we interrupt your day for a blonde joke…..

A blonde and her husband were lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor’s dog. It had been in the back yard barking for hours and hours.

Finally, the blonde jumped up out of bed, said, “I’ve had enough of this” and went downstairs.

When the blonde finally came back up to bed, her husband asked, “The dog is still barking, what have you been doing?”

She replied, “I put the dog in our back yard. Let’s see how THEY like it!

Ok….don’t be hatin’……..I have blonde roots…….. 😉

if looks could kill….

A man was just waking up from anesthesia after surgery, and his wife was sitting by his side. His eyes fluttered open and he said, ‘You’re beautiful.’ Then he fell asleep again. 

His wife had never heard him say that before, so she stayed by his side. A few minutes later his eyes fluttered open and he said, ‘You’re cute..’

 The wife was disappointed because instead of ‘beautiful,’ it was now ‘cute.’ She asked, ‘What happened to beautiful?’ 

The man replied, ‘The drugs are wearing off.’

the blonde moment…

Two blonds were sipping their Starbucks when a truck went past loaded up with rolls of sod.
“I’m going to do that when I win the lottery,” announced Blond #1.
“Do what?”, asked Blond #2.
“Send my lawn out to be mowed.”
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Speaking of coffee ………..I want you coffee drinkers to go to THIS website to get the BEST iced coffee recipe EVAH!!!
I made this last night, however in a much smaller quantity, and had it this morning with my super special cream recipe and it was fabulous.
The pioneer woman has many, many good recipes, but I’m loving her cold-brewed iced coffee.  Don’t let the size discourage you.  I made mine in a french press last night and strained it through coffee filters (about 3 times) and then placed the cold brew in the fridge overnight.  And as for my super special cream??  Yep, it’s awesome.
Take a can of fat-free evaporated milk and a can of fat-free sweetened condensed milk.  Mix.  Pour into a container.
Special, huh?
After your coffee has been in the fridge overnight, pour into glass filled with ice, halfway.  Now pour in your super special cream to the brim!  Stir!!  Oh my……that’s good….
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Depending on how much coffee you  make, your brew should last several days.  The cold-brew technique takes away any bitterness, just be patient with the filtering, as that takes a while!
Take THAT Starbucks!!!!!
ENJOY!!!

dropping like flies…

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her Husband stalking around with a fly swatter
“What are you doing?” She asked.
“Hunting Flies” He responded.
“Oh. ! Killing any?” She asked.
“Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,” he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. “How can you tell them apart?”

 He responded, “3 were on a beer can, 2 were on the phone.

on a lighter note……

Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner.
He lives with a female roommate, Maria.
During the course of the meal, his mother couldn’t help but notice how pretty Anthony’s roommate is.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye.

Reading his mom’s thoughts, Anthony volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the silver sugar bowl.  You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”

“Well, I doubt it, but I’ll email her, just to be sure.”

So he sat down and wrote an email:
Dear MaMa,
I’m not saying that you “did” take the sugar bowl from my house ; I’m not saying that you “did not” take it.
But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Your Loving Son
Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his MaMa which read:
Dear son,
I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Maria, and I’m not saying that you “do not” sleep with her.
But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Your Loving MaMa

a wife’s diary VS a husband’s diary….oh how very different..

Wife’s Diary:
Tonight,  I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice  restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long,so I thought  he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it.  Conversation wasn’t flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we  could talk. He agreed, but he didn’t say much.
I asked him what was  wrong; He said, ‘Nothing..’ I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He  said he wasn’t upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about  it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept  driving. I can’t explain his behavior. I don’t know why he didn’t say, ‘I love  you, too.’
When we got  home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with  me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem  distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed.  About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted,  and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep. I cried. I don’t know what  to do. I’m almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else.  My life is  now a disaster.
Husband’s Diary:
A five putt!  Who the heck five putts?

Husband 1.0

Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overallsystem performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0 .
In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 , and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0 , NFL 3.0 and Golf Clubs 4.1 .
Conversation 8.0
no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail..
What can I do?
Signed, Desperate.
———— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ——— ———
DEAR DESPERATE,
First, keep in mind that Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system.
Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme. html and try to download Tears 6.2 and do not forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour7.0 or Beer 6.1 . Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Farting and Snoring Loudly Beta .
Whatever you do, DO NOT under any circumstances install Mother-In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources).
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0 .
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7…………Good Luck!

 Tech Support