the redneck….

Three good friends married about the same time but each to a woman from a different part of the country.

The first man married a woman from Indiana.  He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a
couple of days, but on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from Michigan He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, dishes and the
cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was much better.  By the third day, he saw
his house was clean, the dishes were done and a huge dinner was on the table.

The third man married a redneck.  He ordered her to keep the house clean, dishes washed, lawn mowed ,laundry washed,
and with hot meals on the table three times a day. The first day he didn’t see anything, the second day he didn’t see
anything but by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down and he could see a little out of his left eye.
His arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher.  He still has some difficulty
when he pees.

what if today…

Heaven.  What if we were to hear the trumpet call today?  Am I ready?  Am I assured that my name is in the Book of Life?  Oh, yesssss…..

I have a few thoughts about heaven …A never-ending “welcome home” party is waiting for our arrival…Our heavenly Father will come to greet us with open, loving arms…we’ll feel more at home than we ever did on earth because we’ll be with our Father…there won’t be any more cosmetic counters…we will be naturally perfect. Yeah, I’m ready for that.

And to think that we will never, ever, ever be weary.  Sometimes I wake in the morning and I’m already tired…. and the day hasn’t even gotten started yet!  But we won’t feel like that in heaven.  No more pain, no more questions, no more evil.  Can you imagine?

Oh, yes.  I’m ready………..

Now you have to read this………………….

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.

‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’

‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man.

‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity.’

‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the senator.

‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’

And with that, St. Peter escort s him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly & nice guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises…

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St. Peter is waiting for him.

‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity..’

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell.’So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage and swirling flames of fire are consuming the people!

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above, all the while screaming in agony!

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. ‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the senator. ‘Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends are screaming and there is trash everywhere! What happened?’

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were campaigning.. ..

Today you voted.’

speed demon..

An elderly man on a Moped, looking about 100 years old, pulls up next to a doctor at a street light.

The old man looks over at the sleek shiny car and asks,

‘What kind of car ya got there, sonny ?’

The doctor replies, ‘A Ferrari GTO.

It cost half a million dollars ! ‘

‘That’s a lot of money,’ says the old man.

‘Why does it cost so much?’

‘Because this car can do up to 320 miles an hour!’ states the doctor proudly.

The Moped driver asks, ‘Mind if I take a look inside?’

‘No problem,’ replies the doctor.

So the old man pokes his head in the window and looks around.

Then, sitting back on his Moped, the old man says, ‘That’s a pretty nice car, all right… but I’ll stick with my Moped !’

Just then the light changes,

So the doctor decides to show

The old man just what his car can do.

He floors it, and within 30 seconds

The speedometer reads 160 mph.

Suddenly, he notices a dot in his rear view mirror.  It seems to be getting closer!

He slows down to see what it could be

And suddenly WHOOOOSSSHHH !

Something whips by him going much faster !

‘ What on earth could be going faster than my Ferrari ?’ the doctor asks himself.

He presses harder on the accelerator

And takes the Ferrari up to 250 mph.

Then, up ahead of him,

He sees that it’s the old man on the Moped!

Amazed that the Moped could pass his Ferrari, he gives it more gas

And passes the Moped at 275 mph

And he’s feeling pretty good until he looks in his mirror and sees the old man gaining on him AGAIN!

Astounded by the speed of this old guy,

He floors the gas pedal and takes the Ferrari all the way up to 320 mph.

Not ten seconds later, he sees the Moped bearing down on him again!

The Ferrari is flat out,

And there’s nothing he can do!

Suddenly, the Moped plows

Into the back of his Ferrari,

Demolishing the rear end.

The doctor stops and jumps out and unbelievably the old man is still alive.

He runs up to the banged-up old guy and says, ‘I’m a doctor…. Is there anything I can do for you?’

The old man whispers,

‘Unhook my suspenders from your side view mirror!’.                   THANKS REA!!!!  😉  HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY, ALL!!!



Yesterday, my friend, Rosie, posted a question on Facebook.  I was behooved…..I was befuddled….and other “b” words……  Thankfully, I came up with a VERY good answer….but first the question, “Who is your favorite 2012 presidential hopeful?”

After thinking about it for over a minute….I decided that Mighty Mouse would be our best bet…and here is why…(info from Wikipedia)

“As with other imitations of Superman, Mighty Mouse’s super powers allow him to fly and to be incredibly strong; in short, to be invulnerable. He has demonstrated the use of “X-ray vision” in at least one episode, while during several cartoons he used a form of telekinesis that allowed him to command inanimate objects and turn back time (as in the cartoons The Johnstown Flood and Krakatoa). Other cartoons have him leaving a red contrail during flight which he can manipulate like a band of solid flexible matter at will.

The initial formula consisted of an extended setup of a crisis which needs extraordinary help to resolve; Mighty Mouse appears to save the day.

The early operatic Mighty Mouse cartoons often portrayed Mighty Mouse as a ruthless fighter. He would dole out a considerable amount of punishment, subduing opponent cats to the point of giving up their evil plan and running away. Mighty Mouse would then chase down the escaping cats, and continue beating them mercilessly, usually hurling or punching them miles away to finish the fight. A favorite move is to suddenly fly up to just under a much larger opponent’s chin and throw a blinding flurry of punches that leaves the enemy reeling.”

Ok….let’s recap….

1.  He has a cape. (all super-heroes have capes)

2.  He has superpowers and is “invulnerable”  (we will need this with our Middle East neighbors)

3.  He has the power of X-ray vision AND telekenisis  (this could come in handy with terrorists)

4.  He is a ruthless fighter  (he just isn’t going to give up)

So……I think it’s obvious who the next President of the United States should be.  It’s a no-brainer….C’mon…..look at that face!!

a little humor…

“Anyone with needs to be prayed over, come forward, to the front at the altar, the preacher said.
John gets in line, and when it’s his turn, the preacher asks: “John, what do you want me to pray about for you?”
John replies: “Preacher, I need you to pray for my hearing”.
The preacher puts one finger in John’s ear, and he places the other hand on top of John’s head and prays and prays and prays, he prays a blue streak for John.
After a few minutes, the Preacher removes his hands, stands back and asks, “John, how is your hearing now?”…
John says, “I don’t know, Reverend, it ain’t til next Wednesday!”…