the daily grind…

Hello, my friends! I figured that I should update you on my activities since you are DYING for information..(I feel it in my bones)

So today I woke up, snagged a cup of coffee, grabbed my dad by the shirt collar and went for a 3 mile walk. Ok, part of that is a teeny bit embellished. I had to WORK to keep up with my dad! He is (blank) years old!! Hint: rhymes with schmeighty….

I actually found a way to ‘cheat’ walking….I would ask him a question at the bottom of a hill and he would have to answer it on the way up….this way I could catch my breath. Sure, he would struggle, but I’m the baby, so I am just 86% positive that he would only want it like this.

After his delightful walk with his princess…we came back to the house to clean up and do a little shopping. I didn’t really find anything, since everything in the stores hadn’t changed since I shopped yesterday, but you ladies out there will be happy to learn that I got two pairs of shoes. Why two, you ask? Because I couldn’t find three.

Tomorrow will be a doozy, since I signed up for a 4 1/2 hour kayak tour. Yes, I am going by myself and the guide already hates me. He just called to see if I could re-schedule for the 20th. I told him, no….and there was a definite ‘sigh’ on the other end of the phone. So I am already causing problems and will probably be overturned in the water….silly kayak people…

So I am sure that there will be a story tomorrow…so…don’t touch that dial! 🙂

on a lighter note….

Next Tuesday is going to be fun!!  Wait.  Next Tuesday I will spend most of my day in the air flying to see my parents and sister and nephew in Camden, Maine!  WOO HOO!!  I haven’t seen them since February when Jimmy and I traveled to Houston for my mothers blankety-blank  birthday. (you are welcome, mother)  We are going to have some FUN!

I especially love (torturing)  spending time with my sister.  I will say that our sister relationship got off to a rocky start.  She is four years OLDER than me and really had a hard time knowing that her baby sister was so incredibly adorable.  She was probably upset that I was such a darling and that my parents overlooked her birthdays and other special events because they were home celebrating my every move.

OK!!  Maybe not.  MAYBE it was the fact that I always figured out a way to get her in trouble and come out smelling like a rose.  MAYBE I was responsible for adorable little sayings like, “Daddy? Is it okay to have beer in our closet?”  This was said in a softer voice with my head tilted (who wouldn’t love that?) and my legs swinging, as we sat at the table during dinner.  How was I to know that he would assume that Cheri was the one hiding beer in her closet?  It was such an innocent question.  I just had an enquiring mind.

MAYBE it was the fact that when I was six, my parents gave me a choice for what I wanted for my birthday.  A big plastic swimming pool or a Tiny Tears doll.  I didn’t really like playing with dolls so much and we WERE getting a little too big for our little blow-up pool…..but when I saw Cheri jumping up and down saying, “POOL! POOL! POOL!”  I realized that a doll sounded fun.  Yes, I think I want the doll.

MAYBE it was the fact that when we were in high school, my parents went on a vacation.  I have never found out where they went but it was obvious that they couldn’t acquire a ticket for me to join them because who wouldn’t want me around?  Hmm?  Anywho…my grandmother came to stay with us because they feared that Cheri might take my life if we were left alone.  We were fortunate enough to have a beautiful home with an indoor pool.  I don’t actually remember but I think it was another gift for me…..So my grandmother is in the living room doing grandmother things and Cheri walks in and asks if she can go outside to get her towel.  Ahh…..grandmothers are SO smart.  She KNEW that Cheri wanted to go outside and meet up with her boyfriend (wait…I might have mentioned that to her)…so she told her no.  Oh my goodness!  Was Cheri ever mad!!  This seemed like an awesome opportunity to trick  help out my sister and her dilemma.  “Come in my room!”, I said cheerily.  She turned to look at me with eyes that said, “get-away-from-me-you-little-virus” but I was insisting that she came with me so I could (trick)  help her.

What was she thinking?  She went! She actually came into my room!!  (maniacal laugh inserted here)  She stomped into my room and said, “WHAT?”  This is where charm is important.  I managed to tell her that she could crawl out my window and our grandmother would never be the wiser!   She agreed………heh, heh.

So, she stepped up on my desk and we carefully and quietly removed the screen and she jumped out into the night.  This is where our story differs.  Here is what I remember:  A sudden breeze came through the room, placing the screen back on the window and magically, as if by a special force, the windows shut, locked and the curtains closed!

Here is HER version:  Sandi waited until I got far enough away from the window and with ferret like skills, popped the screen on, and smiled while she locked the windows and closed the curtains.

See, readers?  Doesn’t that sound a little off?  Would I do that?  Aaahhh….the best part was when she had to ring the doorbell to get back inside and my grandmother answered the door!  HAHAHAHAH………………good times.

So you see that our relationship has had a rocky start….if only she could understand my innocence and my charm.  I’m quite a lovely person.  Maybe I will show her that when we get to Maine………………(insert muffled laugh here)……

Now…..with that said…..I miss my sister so very much.  She is in Houston and I’m in Phoenix and that’s just too far away.  When we lived closer, she was always there to help out with my boys.  She even let Bret vomit on her  brand new Berber carpet.  (Wait, was it Bret or Clay?)  Anyway…she allowed the barf and never got upset.  Although I do remember that we were all a tangle of legs trying to get to the kitchen to get towels.  Bottom line is that when I have problems I know that I can call my sis and barf up all my problems and she listens and takes my side.  Sometimes you just need someone in your corner.  Cheri is in my corner…..but now she brings a towel….. 😉

anticipation…

Here’s a thought from winnie the pooh…

“Although eating honey is a very good thing to do, there’s a moment before you begin to eat it which is better than when you are.”

Ok…I’m not sure what that has to do with anything…but I’m flying home to watch the girls while my daughter-in-law has sinus surgery/tonsilectomy. Please keep her in your prayers. Finally I will be able to post some great pictures! (not of the surgery….but of the ranch…..waaay different).

So…have a great weekend and check back on Monday!

the senior moment…

This is supposedly a true log in the Sarasota, Florida police department:

An elderly Florida lady did her shopping and upon returning to her car, she found four males in the act of leaving with her vehicle. She dropped her shopping bags and drew her handgun, proceeding to scream at the top of her lungs, “I have a gun and.I know how to use it! Get out of the car!”
The four young males didn’t wait for a second threat. They got out and ran like mad.
The lady, somewhat shaken, then proceeded to load her shopping bags into the back of the car and got into the drivers seat. She was so shaken that she could not get her key into the ignition.
She tried and tried, but then realized why. It was for the same reason that there was a football, a frisbee and two six packs of beer on the front seat.
A few minutes later she spotted her own car parked a few spaces down further.
She loaded her shopping bags into her car and drove to the police station to report her mistake.
The sergeant to which she told her story to couldn’t stop laughing.
He pointed to the other end of the counter at four pale, young men were reporting a carjacking by a mad, elderly woman, described as less than five feet tall, white curly hair, and carrying a large handgun…….No charges were filed.
Moral of the story? If you’re going to have a senior moment…better make it a good one!

why i don’t swim…

Ok…here are a few reasons I don’t scuba dive….or linger in the ocean….

And this one does not delight me either…

here’s another reason…

And I’m a teeny bit afraid of these guys…

So…in case you wanted to know why we go to the beach and I sit HAPPILY in the chair…..this is why.

Oh, and NO …. these weren’t taken with my new camera.  Sorry.

my big head…

So I decided to go to Target and get a few things from a real city store before I get out to the ranch (population 100).  I dressed casually, yet coordinated, and headed out for one of my favorite stores.  As I walked down one of the aisles I stopped to look at some lipstick.  A lady came up to me and said, “Excuse me…”  I turned and smiled and said, “Yes?”  She placed her hand over her heart and said, “I just have to tell you that you are sooo beautiful!”  I smiled a little wider and dropped my head to take a quick review of my outfit and thought to myself, ‘Well, your poppy capri’s and your toenail polish DO match…and your lipstick is a dead ringer for the same color…so Yes!  I DO look beautiful!”  I tried to bat my lashes and purr, “You are just too sweet!”  My voice dripped with honey and sounded a little more southern than usual.  She said, ” I just saw you in the aisle and wanted to tell you that because I mean it from the bottom of my heart!”  Now, I’m thinking that this woman is a genius.  She is very astute to things going on around her and I applaud her for being brave and sincere enough to verbalize her thoughts.  I listened to her go on and on about …. I don’t know….something about a girl…..I was still thinking about my hair….when she interrupted my thoughts and said, “Well, I just thought you should know.”  I smiled, thanked her again and walked a little straighter as I turned down the next aisle.

Once I got down the next aisle, I heard a voice say, “Excuse me?”  And then I heard another voice say, “Yes?”  And then I heard the same woman say, “I just have to tell you that you are sooo beautiful.”  Wait.  No, really…..wait.  I heard this same conversation with two other women!!  As it turned out, she was walking down the aisle and telling everyone that they were so beautiful!!  Ok….I just had to laugh inside my head….as it started to shrink back down to size.  This woman was making it her mission to tell each person she met that they were special and that she noticed.. and I must say, she was quite successful!  I could hear each person she met  had  a little ‘lift’ to their voice as she talked to them!  And it was working.  Bravo, strange woman…bravo.

Do you think I pretended to be looking for something to see if these women were REALLY beautiful?  Let’s just say that I started thinking about it as I picked up a bottle of liquid bath soap.  I flipped open the cap and squeezed it ever so slightly to get a little ‘poof’ of the fragrance and a huge bubble popped out and into my nose!  HAHA!!  I laughed out loud and tried to wipe this huge bubble of soap off my face and decided right then and there that YES.  The other women were truly beautiful because they accepted the compliment and went on their merry way.  They didn’t linger to see who was REALLY beautiful…..

So I left Target thinking that I had never been there and learned a lesson in the cosmetic aisle…or any aisle for that matter.  As I backed away from the parking spot I said aloud, “Thank you, cosmetic aisle lady!” then I caught my reflection in the mirror and thought, “Hmm….you DO look pretty nice today……..too bad my inside voice wasn’t acting as pretty……”

all my friends..

Ok, so when I was little I had quite an imagination.  That hasn’t changed much, but at least I don’t have imaginary friends anymore.  I wasn’t like the average girl on the block with one friend.  No, I took it the extra mile and had four.

Some might like to dig deeper and determine why they were all male friends.  Hmm…..was I missing something?  They provided a lot of amusement for me and went EVERYWHERE I went.  There was Tommy who was REALLY bad and seemed to break a lot of things in our house…and Johnny who was VERY nice and handsome.  I think he was a brunette.  And there was Dr. Ben Casey who I ADORED from the tv series.  And finally there was Jesus.

You would think that it would be really nice to have Jesus as a companion, and don’t get me wrong!  It was awesome for me!  But it did pose some challenges for my mother.  No one could sit next to me at the table because that is where Jesus was sitting.  She had to make an extra sandwich at lunch time for Jesus (and he was really hungry because he always ate ALL his sandwich).  And I walked around the house with my arm around my ‘friend’ and PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!  Don’t sit on him!!!!

Now, Dr. Ben Casey was pretty stern.  He wasn’t as daring as Tommy or as handsome as Johnny but he did rule the house with a firm hand.  My sister would come in my room and ask if she could play with my dolls.  Obviously I can’t just HAND over a doll without consulting my physician first.  So I would look her in the eye and say, “I have to ask Ben Casey first”.  I would turn around and start whispering….then look back at her and say, “Sorry, but he said no”.  Why would she get mad at me?  I”M not the one that turned down her request.  I’m sure that he had a very good reason for not letting her touch my things.  He was so wise.  And he was a doctor, you know.

Tommy seemed to be a little reckless.  Sometimes he would break something and run away.  I would get questioned but I always let my mother know that he didn’t really mean to be so careless but sometimes…well, boys will be boys.  There were many times that I would be punished for something Tommy did, but I took it like a champ.  These were my friends and well, we were close.

I’m not really sure what Johnny did but he was very handsome.  He loved me, as I’m sure you guessed.  Oh, and Ringo Starr loved me too.  He wasn’t imaginary though, silly.  He was in some sort of band and he loved me a lot.

It’s nice to know that I had such a LOVING childhood and turned out so darling since we obviously had so many people in our house at once.  I’m still not certain that we didn’t have a sister named Sharon that lived in the attic.  Some say it was a dream of mine, but I’m still searching for her.

So Jesus is the only one that moved through life with me.  The rest just faded away…..I’m sad to say.  But now I don’t have to make a sandwich for Jesus.  He isn’t hungry.   But he does like ice cream…..

grits…

I wish I could take credit for this one…..it’s too cute:

GRIT (Girls Raised In Texas)

Someone once noted that a Texan can get away with the most awful kind of
insult just as long as it’s prefaced with the words, “Bless her heart”
or “Bless his heart.” As in, “Bless his heart, if they put his brain on
the head of a pin, it’d roll around like a BB on a 6-lane highway.”

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend was telling about
her new transplanted northern friend who was upset because her toddler
is just beginning to talk and he has a Texas accent. My friend, who is
very kind and, bless her heart, cannot do a thing about those thighs of
hers, was justifiably miffed about this.  After all, this woman had
CHOSEN to move to Texas a couple of years ago.

“Can you believe it?” said her friend, “A child of mine is going to be
“taaaallllkkin liiiike thiiiissss.”

Now, don’t get me wrong. Some of my dearest friends are from the North,
bless their hearts. I welcome their perspective, their friendships, and
their recipes for authentic Northern Italian food.  I’ve even gotten
past their endless complaints that you can’t find good bread down here.
And the heathens, bless their hearts, don’t like cornbread!

I have a friend from Bawston, bless her heart, who thinks it’s hilarious
when I say I’ve got to “carry” my daughter to the doctor or “cut off”
the light. She also gets a giggle every time I am “fixin” to do
something. And, bless their hearts, they don’t even know where “over
yonder” is, or what “I reckon” means!

My personal favorite was my aunt, saying, “Bless her heart, she cain’t
help being ugly, but she could’uh stayed home.”

Texas girls know bad manners when they see them:
1. Drinking straight out of a can.
2. Not sending thank you notes.
3. Velvet after February.
4. White shoes before Memorial Day or after Labor Day.

Texas girls always say:
1. “Yes Ma’am.”
2. “Yes sir.”

Texas girls have a distinct way with fond expressions:
1. “Yawl come back.”
2. “Well, bless yer harrt.”
3. “Drop by when ya can.”
4. “How’s yer mama?”
5. “Love yer hair.”

Texas girls know their three R’s:
1. Rich
2. Richer
3. Richest

Texas girls know everybody’s first name:
1. Hunny
2. Darlin’
3. Shuger

Texas girls know the movies that speak to their hearts:
1. “Gone With the Wind”
2. “Fried Green Tomatoes”
3. “Driving Miss Daisy”
4. “Steel Magnolias”

Texas girls know the three deadly sins:
1. Bad hair
2. Bad manners
3. Bad blind dates

G.R.I.T. = Girls Raised in Texas!

thanks for the mammories….

YES THIS WAS POSTED A WHILE BACK….BUT SINCE IT IS OCTOBER BREAST AWARENESS MONTH, I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE GOOD TO PUT IT OUT THERE ONE MORE TIME…

June is coming!  Not only is it a time for birthdays, going to California or just lying around the pool but it is also my month.  Yes, it’s my month because my birthday is on the 7th…..but it is also my month because it’s MAMMOGRAM time.

This is something I’ve had to schedule around my birthday (what a gift) so I don’t forget to do the yearly.  Most everyone that is reading this (with the exception of the men-folk) has had to have this form of misery in one way or another.  It is just NOT something that I savor during the summer.

In case SOMEONE out there hasn’t been subjected to this torture (which by the way..the dictionary defines torture as “the implication of causing unbearable pain or suffering”) let’s go through the procedure.

After filling out massive amounts of forms which included not only YOUR health history, but your mothers, and your grandmothers and your aunts history also…you are then asked to ‘wait’ until the tech comes out to take you into her medieval chamber.  So you sit in the waiting room and find yourself looking at the other women and their boobs.  You wonder if everyone gets the same treatment and if they ever passed out during an exam.  It could happen, you know.

So you’ve waited for eternity and the tech finally comes out and says, “Sandra?” Oh, she’s perky and she is going to be VERRRRY annoying. Your waiting room supporters look at you with tear filled eyes and mouth, “Good Luck!”.  You pick up your purse and follow the wench to the cell.  She’s overly cheery and has a little ‘lift’ to her step and everytime she asks you a question (on the way down the loooong hallway) she cocks her head to one side?  You wonder if she has ever had this done to her and if she HAS…..well, then she’s trying to distract you from the inevitable.  Either way, you suddenly hate her.  She gives you a key to a ‘locker’….what?  I was wanting to take in my purse in case my cell phone rang so I could tell her that I just HAVE to take this call!!  No.  She gives you a key and you are to put on a cotton gown and place your belongings into the locker.  This way if you pass out they don’t have to take the time to look for all of your things.  They just give the key to the remaining relative.

Now you have your gown on and you look totally ludicrous because you are wearing your dress shoes with the ugliest little gown ever.  This needs some fashion makeover STAT!  (mental note:  design my own gown with matching pumps).  Anwho….now comes the wait in the NEXT waiting room.  This room is filled with other bosom buddies who are also waiting for their turn.  There is a tv whose channel is stuck on Oprah and several 3 year old magazines with pages ripped out.  We’re all in the same life-boat and it’s taking in water…..

It’s my turn…..Perky Polly comes back in and says, “We’re ready!” with her head cocked and her smile wide.  Oh, if only I weren’t wearing this darn gown….I think with all my workouts I could CERTAINLY take her down.  She takes you to the machine and tells you to “stand reeeal close and lean forward”.  Are you kidding me?  I’m on my tippy toes as it is and the thermostat  has GOT to be set at 40.  She comes around the side of the machine after placing her hands in a portable freezer and grabs one of my ‘precious babies’ and PUUULLSS so very hard and places it between equally frozen templates of glass.  “Ok, now stay reeeeal still while I go calibrate the x-ray.”  CALIBRATE?  Couldn’t this have been done PRIOR to my arrival?  So on my tippy, tippy toes I stand with my boob smashed and my cheek pressed sideways against a cold, metal x-ray machine…I wait.  Finally after what seems like hours, she pipes up, “Ok, now hold reeeeeel still!”  The x-ray machine makes a whirr and then a click and then I hear, “Ok, now let’s do the OTHER side!”  I had forgotten that there  WAS another one.  I can’t see because of the tears in my eyes but obviously I don’t HAVE to see because in a flash she had placed her hands back into the freezer and was placing my other ta-ta back in the vice.  “Let’s do this again!”, she says in her sing-song voice.  (I am hating her with every fiber in my body now).  Again I find myself standing on my tippy toes, leaning into the frozen metal and thinking about what maneuver I would use to “take her down”.

After the familiar whir and click, I thought I would lean back and let the baby flop out of the grip and back onto my chest.  But it seems that I’m really in there good!  Perky Polly tells me that she will be “Riiiiiiight back!” and proceeds to leave the room!!  WAIT!  I’m still stuck in this contraption!!  My mind is reeling and the room is spinning!  I’m going to have one boob that is down by my waist if she doesn’t come back soon!  “OK!  Here we go!”  Polly comes back in the room and looks at me and says, “OH NO!!  Isn’t that just like me to take your chart down the hall without getting you out of here?” I want to kick her in the ovary.  She releases me from the death grip and I almost tumble to the floor.  I am bent over walking back to the #2 waiting room.  Luckily my locker is on the bottom so I don’t have to stand upright to remove my belongings.  The other ladies in the room offer assistance but I just mumble and wave them away.  They feel my pain.

So the next few months after the test finds me back to my usual self.  Long forgotten are the pains and bruising of both my boobs and my ego.  I resume my normal activities and before you know it….June is approaching and the next test awaits.  Luckily my memory is SO bad that I don’t remember ALL the details until I cross the doorway to the doctors office.  Then it all comes flooding back in……………….

Bottom line…  Step up to the plate.  Take the test.  It’s your birthday month and it really IS the best gift you could give yourself………………….other than a spa day.

march madness

Oh, it’s coming.  The madness is almost upon us.  My husband LOVES, LOVES, LOVES college basketball.  Of course his favorite team is the University of Arizona Wildcats!!  But he freely admits that he will watch any  team at any time…..day or night…..And I’ve learned some things over the years.

First of all…..NO ONE comes between him and his basketball.  He is a focused entity and nothing will move him from his recliner.  Case in point:  One year I walked in the room wearing only a shower cap.  Now, shower caps are the most ridiculous looking things that were ever invented.  They are quite functional IN the shower, however should NEVER, I repeat NEVER be worn anywhere other than the bathroom….with the door closed and properly locked.  Where was I?  OH!  So, I walked in the room (aware that the children were not at home) completely naked except for the cap,  sat down on the couch and proceeded to carry on a one-sided conversation.  I received some “Uh-huh’s” and a few “Umm…sure” sounds from him but he never looked up from the magical box called the tv.  Finally, I said, “JIMMY!!” And he looked at me.  At first he just looked at me without SEEING me…..then he noticed …and boys and girls……I did it!  I made him, not only LAUGH, but take his eyes OFF the screen!  It was such a dangerous move!  And then it was awkward.  And then it was just uncomfortable.  I haven’t done that again.

Basketball isn’t just a sport during March Madness.  It’s a way of life.  The remote is safely in his hand and NO ONE gets control other than the fan.  (I’m not a fan so I’m not favored with the remote).  Meals should be brought and placed carefully on a tray (please be sure and not get in front of the screen!!) and then you should back away slowly so you don’t accidently bump the hand that controls the remote.  Stay focused!  That’s my motto.  Actually my motto is also ‘stay out of the room.’  It’s just not a good time to ask what’s on Food Network or the Hallmark Channel. There are other tv’s in the house and it’s time to use them.

March madness is also a good time to do girly stuff.  This is because there isn’t anyone there to bother you or tell you ‘no’ or any other interruptions.  So read your romance novels, re-arrange the bedroom or paint it pink!  He won’t know until the basketball season is over and by then the paint fumes will have evaporated and you can tell him, “Oh don’t be silly…..it’s ALWAYS been this color.  You don’t notice ANYthing!”  You can also at this point get very dramatic and maybe cry softly.  You just might get some roses….or extra attention.  (Remember that this must only be done by a professional).

So March Madness really isn’t madness at all.  It’s about being crafty and cunning.  They say that Knowledge is Power….well, now you have the knowledge…..use it wisely…..