homeland security…

Aren’t you glad that we have Homeland Security?  Yes, me too.  BUT, here are a few ‘extra’ tips to help during a crisis….

  If you have set yourself on fire, do not run.

  If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud. 

  If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder.

  If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

  If your building collapses, climb under your table and practice yoga postures.

  After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

  If you’ve become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that.

  Survive a biohazard attack by first standing, then begging on your knees, then rolling over and playing dead.


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