..if you think God’s presence is always strongest in the back three pews.
…if you think John the Baptist founded the Southern Baptist Convention.
…if you think “Amazing Grace” is the national anthem.
…if the first complete sentence you uttered was “We’ve never done it this way before.”
…if you judge the quality of the sermon by the amount of sweat worked up by the preacher.
…if your definition of “fellowship” has something to do with food.
…if you ever wonder when Lottie Moon and Annie Armstrong will be paid off.
…if you honestly believe the Apostle Paul spoke King James English
…if you think worship service music has to be loud.
…if you think Jesus actually used Welch’s grape juice and saltine crackers.
…if you think preachers who wear robes are in Cahoots with the communists.
…if you judge the quality of a service by the length of the service.
And finally, if you ever wake up in the middle of the night craving fried chicken and interpret that feeling as a call to preach, you might be a Southern Baptist.