Ok. There’s nothing like a mani/pedi. Girls know that it is a time to relax and let someone else bend over and touch your toes. We sit higher in the pedi chair as the women cradle our feet in their hands. We are above the world……or at least the nail techs head… We get to pick out colorful polish with names like, ‘your villa or mine?’ or ‘holy pink pagoda’ or even ‘cha-ching cherry’. The colors and designs are endless.
So when I go to MY nail salon, I can expect my favorite Russian, Maya, to say, “Oh! Sandishka! Look at you! You are sooo delicious!” Yes, Maya! I can always expect to be pampered by you!!! But Maya!!! Where were you today? Why did I have to go to a DIFFERENT salon? I don’t LIKE to go to a different salon. The people in other salons don‘t know me…..they don’t know my needs…. Oh, Maya…………
So…..I had to go to another salon. One where I don’t know what is happening. I am clueless and being ushered by a small woman to a chair that has so many massage balls in it’s leather that my back is sore and bruised. “NO, small woman….I don’t want YOUR polish…I brought my OWN and NO I don’t want the SALT SCRUB because I just shaved my legs for Maya!” The smile that was once on her face is now gone. Her voice falls flat and she turns to the other girls and says, “Dawh mah chow dim sum kung pao chicken” (if my memory serves me correctly) which OBVIOUSLY meant, “Oh, super. I get the cheap girl.”
So this is a look that I was NOT going for and now the entire salon is very hateful and have decided to talk code and give me a false sense of security. My toes are now in a swirling pool of something blue and the water is eerily cool. My tech, whose name was Candy…(seriously?) has now pulled out the “special” instruments that APPEAR to be sterile…..we all know, right? I get through the painful cuticle dance as my body is lurching in the ‘lovely’ massage chair. So as I close my eyes to block out the painful knobs kneading my spine, I am unaware that she has just slathered on the salt scrub. Ok. Let’s talk about the ONE DAY OLD BLISTER ON MY HEEL. AAAAAUUUUUGGGGGHHHH!!!!! I flipped up my foot spraying CANDY in the face with blue water! Suddenly she explodes in such language that I’m just SURE that she said something about a concentration camp and bamboo under my nails and headless chickens.
We both agreed, silently, that it was a good time to pay and go our separate ways. As I limped to the parking lot, all buckled over because of my back spasms, I heard a lot of sounds behind me…..they weren’t happy sounds and I think I heard someone mention Jackie Chan.
Oh, Maya…………….Sandishka NEEDS YOU TO GO BACK TO WORK!!!!!!